See Your Shadow (2022) 18'
For tenor saxophone and electronics (fixed media).
Commissioned by Matthew Levy and dedicated to Mae Levy. Released 12/31/22 on XAS Records. Self-published (Morningside Press, ASCAP).
For about a year, I worked for PRISM Quartet out of Matthew Levy’s home in Germantown. When Matt hired me, I don’t think he knew I grew up playing the saxophone – that’s a fact about myself I rarely share! All the same, I went up once a week to Matt’s home office, nestled on the top floor of their beautiful, creaky old house, and learned about media relations, marketing, and arts admin. I also learned that the house itself is a special place. It’s where Matt grew up as a kid, and all these years later, it’s also the place where Matt and Willa started their family. I met baby Mae when she was only a few months old, and her presence in the Levy house transformed my experience. Being present during that milestone moment was deeply meaningful, and I’ll never forget it.
Matt and I started chatting about a commission for saxophone and electronics before Mae was born, but by the time I was ready to get serious about the piece, Mae had become one of my favorite humans. I eagerly followed her progress via photo, email, and video. Soon, I couldn’t get the idea out of my head that my sax and electronics piece should really be for Matt and Mae. Matt obliged, and in a major way. For this piece, he took “field recordings” of Mae for about six months. These are an incredible audio archive of her personal growth and her relationships with Matt and Willa. By the end of the recording process, Mae was aware of what was going on – imagine my surprise when she said “Nick” and “recorder” during one of the later recording sessions! As I composed this piece, Matt also shared sketches with Mae for her approval, and her reactions were priceless.
Matt made these audio recordings of his family during a period that coincided with the start of the coronavirus pandemic. I listened to them while isolating in my home. The sense of connection they brought me was an invaluable source of hope and light during a dark time. This piece is about that combination of heaviness and lightness – about seeing our shadows as we live in the intersection between the bright and the dark. Shadows play across this music in the form of sequences, echoes, and canonic voices that “shadow” one another. This is my first ever saxophone piece after decades of both playing the instrument and composing, and I hope it’s worthy of the subject matter. More than anything, I hope this piece, which Matt recorded from a room in the Levy house, brings to you some of the intimate emotional sensations that led to its creation.
Watch: